So this is it

The painful distraction over a single line

What are you? Why are you doing this?

You spelled love with a different action

You mistreated love with an unecessary hatred

You, a shimmering plastic man

With a plastic love

Obscure Atmosphere

“It so dark in here
No I can`t see alight

Take all the fires on me
It`s all my desire
But you just surrender
Take all the pain in your dreams”

That song is Kekal by Homogenic.

It is a dark song for me, yet the meaning is inexplicable. Whenever I listened to that song, I feel blue and vulnerable. The tune and the beat are harmoniously contradicting the listener’s feelings. The lyrics are so poetic, and deep. Those words match to my current condition.

It is so dark around here, God. I’d never felt so perplexed before. It is a gift or a trial? I always believe in You, My Lord. If this is one of you trials, I would say that this is the most tempting and beautiful trial. I will stand by You, and be grateful for this. I can say that I am content and blessed.

But somebody said, “Everything happens for a reason, God made a silver lining behind all of those gray days”

Life is a mystery; enchanting and tantalizing. Life is not only about your own utopia. Last but not least, life is about thanking God to be alive.No matter how hard you have built your apprehension of denying God, but God will always be there. God is watching your paces you’ve made, words you’ve said, and thoughts you’ve concluded. God knows the best for all of us, even though it might looks flawed and counter-factual.

I am just simply irrevocably numb to live with life.

“in Your majesty, You create differences

in my arrogance, I asked Your wisdom

in Your mystery, You create temptations

in my inferiority, You make me more than i am

so here i am

surrender me in the agony of Your love

surrender me in the irony of Your law

lead me to the joy of love redivined

teach me how to love You more”

-cin(T)a

God, I believed You have written me a beautiful story. I always have a faith on You. I will be waiting for him patiently, God. Even if it’s in my life or my afterlife :)

cin(T)a

in Your majesty, You create differences

in my arrogance, I asked Your wisdom

in Your mystery, You create temptations

in my inferiority, You make me more than i am

so here i am

surrender me in the agony of Your love

surrender me in the irony of Your law

lead me to the joy of love redivined

teach me how to love You more

Dear God,

In the name of Your Almighty, can we be together in the permission of Yours? Amen.

Believing

In every crucial part that I’ve reached before, I was standing still. Numb, and astonished. I was looking to other side, the temptation of breakaway.

But God told me to wait.

God told me that I have to be patient and strong.

God taught me a lesson. A lesson to believe in any impossible chances or choices, and it is called by faith. It starts with faith and will end with a moment of prodigy.God deals with everything we plan and believe. We only have to work hard and wait. We will never know what’s best for us, but God knows.

So as I am standing in every atmosphere of my life, I am still believing.

I have a faith, even in the most abstruse stage of my life.

God, I believe :)

Thank you for being patience

Thank you for being cool

Thank you for being a cuddly bear

And

Thank God for creating you. Praise to God :)

God, is this an obstacle for me?
I am a little bit tired, just a little.